It’s like there’s a hollowness in your chest and lead in your head, you can’t cry but you want to and you can’t even give a reason for it - on one side you want to curl up in to a ball and just stay lying there forever, on the other you want to run away as fast as you can to the middle of nowhere so you have space to breathe.
Let me tell you this now that you most certainly are not alone.
One day when it’s not rainy or too windy just take an aimless walk, somewhere far away from people, and don’t think about them, or you, don’t ask yourself questions, just look at what’s around you and clear your head.
Life isn’t a contest, if your friends are moving forwards then good for them. You’ve still got things to work out though, you’re a little behind them and that’s okay. You can catch up when you’re ready. If they’ve gone so far ahead that you can’t catch up anymore then that’s fine too. You have to go at your own pace. It might feel like no-one is listening but trust me, there is always someone, even if you don’t know it.
You’ve just got to keep your head up no matter how difficult it seems, look at the positives and if you feel like something or someone is making your life harder then forget about it and look straight on, it isn’t worth your time.
And you’re right; there is always a reason.